Thoughts determine behavior, behavior determines habits, habits determine personality, and personality determines fate.
A person’s growth experience will shape their behavioral habits; their behavioral habits will shape their personality traits; and their personality traits will directly determine their choices in life.
Research on marriage and relationships has shown that men with these habits will likely abandon their wives once they achieve success and have money.
Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family, Low Moral Awareness
There’s a saying: “A happy childhood can heal a lifetime, while an unhappy childhood takes a lifetime to heal.”
A person’s growth experience will leave a unique imprint on their personality, forming “inherited” behavioral habits. Psychologists call this “intergenerational repetition.”
That’s why there’s a heartbreaking saying:
When I grew up, I became the person I hated the most.
When a man grows up in a dysfunctional family where he witnesses his parents’ immoral behavior, his moral awareness and sense of responsibility will be low.
Such a man will have no qualms about cheating on his family and betraying his marriage once he has a certain level of economic stability and is tempted psychologically.
This was the case with Lisa’s ex-husband.
Initially, Lisa was attracted to the sensitive and delicate side of her husband.
Lisa grew up in a loving family, and her personality was open and generous. Her husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family where his father constantly cheated, and his mother was always angry. Despite his tough exterior, he had a sensitive and fragile heart.
When they got married, the husband tearfully told Lisa:
Thank you for healing the wounds of my childhood. I’ll be good to you for the rest of my life.
But the husband’s “rest of my life” was short-lived. Three years into their marriage, he started having an affair, and seven years in, he chose another woman.
Poor Boundary Sense, Extremely Good with the Opposite Sex
They say bad men will cheat, but I didn’t think my good husband would cheat too.
It took Angel ten years to see through her husband’s true nature.
The husband was a “good guy” in the eyes of outsiders, always willing to lend a helping hand. He was especially helpful to his female friends, often going out of his way to assist them.
So, the women around him praised him highly. Many people would often compliment Angel on her good fortune, saying her husband was a rare gem.
But this “good husband” had been secretly having affairs for years and eventually asked for a divorce.
“The root of all human suffering is the lack of boundaries.”
When dealing with the opposite sex, a man lacking boundaries will easily cross the line.
Such a man will subtly showcase his charm in front of women, intentionally or unintentionally trying to impress them.
He will be extremely gentle and considerate towards the women around him, often surrounded by seemingly normal yet ambiguous relationships—a classic “central air conditioner.”
If his wife questions his behavior, he’ll blame her for being suspicious and overreacting.
If his wife is oblivious or pretends not to notice, he’ll take every opportunity to showcase his charm and flirt with women.
Once he gets rich, he’ll seek new thrills and stimuli, easily challenging the boundaries of his marriage.
As Rudolf said:
Many people believe that marriage is about gaining security. However, marriage cannot provide security. Marriage itself is a problem that needs to be solved, a difficult task assigned to us by life.
If you’re unfortunate enough to encounter such a cheating, unfaithful man, remember two things:
A bird perches on a branch not because it believes the branch won’t break, but because it knows it can fly.
Be a good woman who loves herself, not a “good girl” praised by everyone.