At the beginning, they were happy newlyweds. After going through the mundane tests of everyday life, they eventually faced various marriage and emotional problems.
Someone once told me about this feeling:
“When your partner comes home, they don’t want to talk. They just flop down on the couch, scrolling through their phone or watching TV to relieve stress. They don’t want to say much. If one person asks why they don’t want to communicate, they get an impatient response.”
The relationship between the two gradually cools down in the long run of petty squabbles, because of some details that both sides don’t pay attention to.
There’s a saying:
“Leaves don’t turn yellow overnight, and hearts don’t turn cold overnight.”
Different Values Lead to Disdain and Silence
“Love fears silence. Many people think that love becomes speechless at its deepest level. In fact, love is a very difficult emotion to describe. It needs detailed expression and transmission.”
Without expression, without transmission, a silent marriage is like a stagnant pool, lifeless.
In the world, no marriage can survive for too long in a state of lack of communication.
When the two of you have different thoughts, you can’t talk on the same page.
Over time, the initial love will gradually disappear, feelings will fade, and hearts will drift apart.
Often Ignoring Each Other’s Existence, Starting to Be Perfunctory
When a man loves a woman, his attitude towards her is always sincere and serious. He will listen carefully to her words and care about her affairs.
On the contrary, if he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, he won’t care about her things as much. Sometimes he may even find her a nuisance, and his attitude will become perfunctory.
Because he doesn’t care anymore, he feels that his other half’s existence is optional, and even ignores her like she’s air.
When two people are together, if there’s more perfunctoriness and less care in everyday life, feelings will naturally fade, and the quality of the marriage will naturally deteriorate.
There’s a good saying, when you really care about someone, even the most insignificant details become important.
Indifference to a Certain Degree Becomes Cold Violence
If perfunctoriness makes the relationship between the two gradually become indifferent, then indifference to a certain degree becomes cold violence.
Cold violence is also called “wall-building avoidance” in psychology.**
This means that when we don’t know how to deal with a problem, we will lock our hearts in a castle and escape the possible consequences.
Cold violence .You know it’s going to be death in the end, but the other person doesn’t give you a quick end. You suffer in agony through a thousand cuts.
Cold violence is the most hurtful weapon in relationships.
“Cunningly worded sentences, without dirtying your hands, can kill and humiliate.”
Cold violence can kill without bloodshed, making you suffer and feel worse than death.
A couple doesn’t fight or argue, doesn’t hit or scold, but there’s no verbal communication either. This way of getting along is actually the most maddening.
When a couple lives together but doesn’t communicate at all, this kind of cold violence makes the two completely become a superficial couple who are merely together in name only, with different dreams.
“The human mind is a delicate instrument, always keenly searching for those who can resonate with it, those whose worldviews and values are more or less similar to ours. We like to find those who share our interests, so we can share and enjoy happy times together.”
It’s not easy to have a marriage. Why don’t we change our minds, change our attitude towards love, and change the way we get along as a couple?
Learn to find, discover, and satisfy each other’s underlying psychological needs, becoming intimate lovers and even life partners.