Strong women, referring to those who are self-centered, controlling, and yet, actually powerless.
If there is such a woman in a family, the husband will not truly submit to her, and the children will not feel proud of her.
Strong Women Are Often Paper Tigers
We often see this scenario in life: a woman yelling at her husband or children, accusing them of being incompetent, while the husband and children seem to have lost their right to speak.
When you ask the husband privately if he agrees with his wife’s behavior, most of them express resentment and disgust. The children also react similarly, feeling that having such a mother is a childhood nightmare.
However, the husband chooses to compromise and tolerate, and the children obey and submit, lacking autonomy.
But when you look into the past of these strong women, you’ll discover that most of them have suffered some kind of trauma, making them feel weak, so they arm themselves to appear tougher.
In other words, many strong women are paper tigers. They appear strong, but are actually weak inside.
Strong women seem to be protecting themselves from harm, but in reality, they are destroying the warmth of their family with their own hands.
They could be soft-spoken, but strong women like to be aggressive. They not only want others to acknowledge their views but also habitually contradict others, even taking away their opportunity to express themselves.
In their behavior, they could be less calculating, but they are extremely competitive. Even in meaningless matters, they must find ways to win.
Strong people, in order to highlight their “strength,” like to suppress others, regardless of whether it’s verbal humiliation or behavioral extremism. They must find fault in others to compare themselves.
Are these women happy? No. They seem to be in control, but in reality, they are not.
A person will only soften when they feel safe and relaxed. Strong people wrap themselves in a shield, because they lack a sense of security and inner strength.
Objectively, many strong individuals have hidden pain behind them. When they fail to develop a good way to resolve these pains, they can only be forced into the next vicious cycle, bringing pain to those around them.
They don’t need a stronger man to protect them; they need a warmer and more tolerant person to rebuild their lost sense of security.
Strength and Strong-Willed Are Two Different Things
Some people say that there are no born strong women. If men didn’t lack responsibility and were not weak, women wouldn’t be so strong-willed.
In fact, I think that in a marital relationship, if we don’t blame each other and can objectively see our own problems, we might be more practical.
What we truly need is to develop understanding and cooperation with each other, rather than shifting responsibility.
Moreover, a person’s strong-willed character and abilities are two separate things. A woman who can hold up the sky for her family is strong, while a woman who controls everything but her emotions is strong-willed.
My friend Payne’s mother was notorious in our area for her strong will. Typically, such a strong woman would have a gentle, even weak, husband.
Payne said that everything in their home, big or small, was decided by his mother. Even his father had to follow her rules.
If they didn’t comply with his mother’s wishes, she would scold them harshly, sometimes even physically. Payne said that because he grew up in such an environment, he would immediately reflect on himself whenever he saw an older woman with a bad temper.
His father couldn’t take his mother’s strong will, so he quietly quit his job as a high school teacher in the county and left to work elsewhere, escaping this suffocating family.
Payne said that his mother had contributed a lot to the family, but her strong will had brought them more pain.
In a family, if the wife is too strong-willed, she doesn’t give her husband the opportunity to develop his abilities. You pretend to be strong, making others think you’re invincible and don’t need care and love.
However, being strong-willed doesn’t mean you’re truly strong.
Strength is being confident, calm, and willing to take risks. They can be soft when needed and firm when necessary.
In contrast, strong-willed individuals are actually weak and try to control others, fearing to be hurt. They attempt to shift their incompetence to others, requiring others to take responsibility for their weaknesses and failures.
Strong-Willed People Seem to Control Others but Are Actually Lost
Strong-willed people have a common trait: they never listen to others. No matter how you complain that they don’t respect you, don’t follow principles, and need to put themselves in others’ shoes, they will never give you positive feedback.
Can you say that such people don’t love you at all? Not entirely.
They just mix love with dominance and strictness, like a worn-out cotton-padded jacket, which is uncomfortable to wear.
Friends say that their partner is a strong-willed person, and they’re currently in love. However, sometimes the partner is like a porcupine, protecting themselves while making it difficult for others to get close.
He hopes that his partner can relax and not be so sensitive. But can he be sure that his partner’s thorns will be smoothed out or their love will be exhausted?