We never truly know our spouses. We just think we do. Even if we find the right person at first, they’ll change soon enough.
Normal people go through life, and as time goes on, you’ll find that your marriage and life are like old leaves on a tree. They start to turn yellow, they get holes and bugs, and worse, they start to rot and even wither.
But life is so real. Not everyone has the ability to just say no. Compromised marriages, marriages where you turn a blind eye, are born from this.
At this point, some people hope the other person will break the ice and take the decisive step.
One middle-aged man who’s been through this says that when a man stops loving you, but doesn’t want to take the blame for leaving you, he’ll use a heartbreaking move to force you to leave on your own.
Unwilling to Listen, Language Becomes More and More Perfunctory
Chloe noticed that her husband was acting strange when his language became more and more perfunctory.
In the first few years of their relationship and marriage, the man responded to Chloe’s words and actions.
Chloe wasn’t good at cooking, and in the first few years of learning to cook, no matter how Chloe cooked, the man would find something to praise and encourage her. Later, Chloe’s cooking skills improved day by day, and she could cook a variety of delicious dishes. Every time the man ate, he would savor the food carefully, then give her sincere affirmation.
Even during the shopping spree, which most men hated, the man would patiently accompany her, and he would also give her honest opinions at key moments, to help Chloe decide whether to buy something.
But at some point, the man became more and more perfunctory.
First, he stopped accompanying her shopping, saying he was too busy with work and too tired. He said shopping online was better than going out.
Then, when asked “Does it look good?”, he would always say, “It’s okay, you like it, that’s all that matters.”
Then, at their most intimate dinner time, no matter how carefully Chloe cooked and set the mood, the man would quickly swallow his food, casually say “It’s okay”, and then continue to bury himself in his phone, no longer willing to talk to Chloe.
The man’s coldness and perfunctoriness made Chloe feel something was wrong. As it turned out, women’s intuition was right.
Listening is part of love, because when you love someone, you listen to their voice.
When you no longer love someone, you’ll naturally become cold in your language. You’ll use perfunctory language to make the woman slowly fall into a situation of being ignored, and then lose her desire to communicate and interact, and become disheartened.
No Longer Caring, Actions Become Cold and Absent-Minded
“The tragedy of love is not separation or death. The tragedy of love is indifference.”
When a relationship falls into the trap of indifference, it becomes impossible to continue.
Ava discovered that her husband was cheating, and after a lot of arguing for over half a year, the two decided to let bygones be bygones and continue their life together.
But Ava found that, although the man said he was coming back, in his actions, he was becoming more and more indifferent towards her and their child. The man would indeed report his whereabouts to her, but besides that, there were no other actions to repair their relationship.
Ava tried to bring the two closer, so she specifically chose some movies for the man to watch with her. But every time they watched a movie, the man would usually just bury his head in his phone, occasionally looking up at the screen. He would ignore Ava’s comments and sharing, simply responding with “Yeah”.
As for family outings, the man never brought them up, and even if he participated, he always maintained the attitude of an observer, watching from afar, rarely getting involved.
Ava was unhappy and complained to the man, but the man just listened perfunctorily, without refuting or comforting her.
Now, Ava can’t stand this perfunctoriness and indifference, and is ready to initiate a divorce.
“The biggest hurt a man can do to a woman is not that he’s fallen in love with someone else, but that he makes her disappointed when she has expectations.”
When a man no longer loves a woman, everything he does for her will become perfunctory. No matter what the woman says or does, he will always be absent-minded and unmoved. He has only one goal: to push you to your limit so that you will leave on your own.
At this time, the most important thing is to face reality and take care of yourself.
Remember, men are not the main characters in life, life itself is.