How did you survive the toughest times?
Some rely on food, some on fun, some on alcohol… But do those who numb themselves with these things really get better?
To tough it out, you either face the facts or break the reality.
In everyone’s life, there are times of vulnerability—maybe due to betrayal, loss of parents, lack of recognition at work…
During the low points, all we can do is push through.
They say: Scrap iron needs to endure beating to become steel; a sword needs to endure sharpening to cut iron like clay; a butterfly needs to break free from its cocoon to fly; a plum blossom needs to endure the cold of winter to bloom fragrantly.
If you tough it out, you win. But is it really so? Can everything be toughed out? Like illnesses, toothaches…
To truly tough it out, simply idling time won’t cut it. Those who successfully tough it out either break the reality or accept the facts.
What are the facts? Illness requires seeing a doctor, a toothache necessitates timely treatment to prevent a minor issue from becoming major.
So, those who tough it out and succeed either face the facts or break the reality. This applies to relationships too.
People get over breakups by realizing the other person doesn’t love them; long-distance relationships work out by breaking the reality of distance.
But we must discern if the relationship or person is worth our energy, time, money…
Someone who loves you will nurture your growth, face difficulties with you, while someone who doesn’t love you will force growth upon you and bring you suffering.
Life’s hardships and work exhaustion are bearable, but the real fear is losing hope and feeling spiritually alone.
Toughing it out can mean hitting a wall or finding peace after acceptance. Ultimately, it’s about your mindset, the ability to face things positively during lonely and tough days.
Toughing It Out Means Making Changes
People often say that in the latter part of a marriage, most are just toughing it out, aiming for growing old together.
But why do some marriages tough it out happily while others waste time, missing out on leaving during the prime years?
At the beginning of their marriage, Lily and Jack faced numerous conflicts—one was outgoing, the other reserved; one was sensitive, the other rational. Lily regretted choosing Jack.
Lily selected Jack from dozens of suitors due to his maturity. She didn’t expect his maturity to lack emotions.
For instance, when Lily asked Jack why he married her, he said, “My parents liked you, you were the most suitable wife for me.” His clear reasoning hurt Lily for over a week.
When Lily complained about work, Jack would provide logical advice instead of empathy.
Within two years of marriage, Lily considered divorce. But with a child already, coming from a single-parent background, she didn’t want her child to go through the same. So, she toughed it out.
Over time, Lily stopped expecting emotional support from Jack and focused on work. She even sought Jack’s advice on work matters.
Gradually, Lily learned from Jack, eventually getting a promotion. As work consumed her, she understood Jack’s behavior better.
During this period, Jack started taking care of the child, realizing the importance of emotional support. They gradually adjusted in life, finding a balance in their marriage.
Now, Jack is sweeter, understanding Lily’s feelings, while Lily tolerates some of Jack’s typical behavior.
Successful toughing it out isn’t about enduring passively but about accumulating strength, waiting for the right moment, and creating opportunities for oneself.
Many times in life, misfortunes strike abruptly, leaving us unprepared. When we can’t change reality, changing ourselves offers a chance to start anew and even climb higher.
To Be Happy, Embrace Useful Hardships
Regarding marriage, most people have three attitudes: drifting, toughing it out, living.
Drifters get by, settling for a lifetime of compromise; those toughing it out can’t leave or live well; those living, like Lily and Jack, find contentment even if not excessively happy.
Many believe those toughing it out have the hardest time in marriage.
But not always—toughing it out varies. Just like simmering soup or porridge with care and patience yields a savory dish, relationships thrive on mutual support and enduring love.
And if you tough it out like the “Bamboo Law,” the happiness is yours.
The Bamboo Law states that bamboo takes four years to grow just three centimeters, buried deep underground. But in the fifth year, it shoots up to fifteen meters in just six weeks.
The lesson here is to learn to accumulate strength, just like Lily did.
So, whether a marriage is happy or not, we must establish indicators for our happiness.